As I look around our home, I see so many things I want to change. I am contemplating some sort of schedule of goals and projects to take on when my husband moves out. There is so much I want to do. So much I have wanted to do, for so long. I don’t mean to minimize this awful event but this is my reality.
By change, I don’t mean spending copious amounts of money or spontaneously skipping off to Bali. But I need to make changes, shift the focus of our house so that I can shift the focus of my life.
I want music. I want to wake up in the morning to music. I love music. I want to get dressed and listen to music. I want to listen to it while I make dinner, while we eat dinner, and while I work. I want my daughter to be exposed to music, all kinds of music. I need to figure out this cloud stuff and Begin synching my ipod, iphone, ipad, etc…
I want less television. The TV is my husband’s idea of relaxation. He comes home and turns on the television. He eats dinner in front of the television. It’s on all weekend and all evening. It makes me feel sick to my stomach sitting in front of it so much. When I try to sit and read in the living room, he asks me why I don’t come sit with him. If I try to work or check emails while we watch TV, he gets frustrated because it “distracts” him. I anticipate he will take our current TV (which was his before we got married) with him when he goes. So do I get another? I want less television but I don’t want to cut it out completely. I want football and baseball and Downton Abbey and movies with my daughter.
I want a kitchen table. One that is comfortable to sit at. We don’t eat dinner in together at the table. It hasn’t always been like this. When we were dating, we would eat dinner together at the table. We would always kiss before we started eating and we promised to always do so. But we didn’t. As our kiddo has gotten older, we have talked about eating dinner as a family. I have practically begged him to eat dinner at the table. But it doesn’t work for him. He is too tired and the idea of struggling through a meal with our picky eater does not interest him. I have a theory that once she and I start eating together more, she will become less picky. As of now, she really only eats approximately 10 different items, almost all of which are crunchy. But that is for another day’s writing.
I want more beauty. My Was-band isn’t crazy about clutter. I am not either but am a firm believer in the WIlliam Morris approach to decorating: “Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” I don’t feel like this home reflects who I am. I want to change that.
I want more organization. I am definitely not a tidy person. But my husband is incredibly so and so I’ve tried to keep the house in a manner that makes him comfortable. But I have also been sort of paralyzed by the feeling that I need his permission, his buy in, before I take on any large tasks or projects involving the house. This includes re-organizing the pantry (I recently did and he moved some things back), the basement, the bathroom.